Change.

"Never underestimate your power to change yourself; never overestimate your power to change others."

- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Parents.

There is no escaping their impact. They form and guide us. No matter how different we end up, these teachings define us. For all that is great about us, we are indebted to the lectures, hugs, chats and all those memories.

Next steps.

A new year almost upon us, we can't help but look back. I can't keep up with all the notes, but we return to some old ones. Indeed people can leave fingerprints on our lives and somewhere we are changed. Thinking about those moments, in ways we can describe or ways we cannot, we see things as they are . . . what do we do with this? What do we cherish and what do we fight to preserve? What we do in the dark, matters much more than what we do in the light. If something is important, we make all involved realize this.

Me, quit? Never.

What is it which sets apart the high accomplishment of our heros? Is it their commitment? Their experiences? Some yet unknown gene? The food they eat? The books they read?

Whatever their inspiration, their lesson is what they give. They remind us of determination. Of hope. Or maybe they motivate us to where we can aspire.

The Oxford English Dictionary defines character as "the qualities distinctive to an individual." Somewhere may we make these are own.

-The Foundation For A Better Life.

Surprise.

This happens sometimes. You smile and you think to yourself, "this is why I do these things".

Sometimes our instincts our wrong. Other times we surprise ourselves. And even when we don't, it feels great to believe in something or someone -- this thought we cannot prove. At least for now. . .

Finally, to those moments when the words just do not flow elegantly.

Why they matter.

"The wisdom of the wise and the experience of the ages are perpetuated by quotations."

-Benjamin Disraeli.

Someday soon (thumbs up).

"When all this is over, I'm going down to Sam and Harry's. I'm gonna order a big steak and I'm gonna make a list of everyone who tried to fuck with us this week."

-The American President.

Sellouts.

There are few things I cannot forgive. This is among them.

The World Has Turned And Left Me Here.

Weezer.

Rejuvenation.

Some new public policy? There are many significant initiatives, but why does there seem to be growing separation in measured success? Perhaps it is warranted to take a radical departure in our approach; these measures are not making the impact we need, particularly in education and poverty.

I am compelled to believe that the solution lies in escaping examining situations from opposing extremes. Liberalism vs. Conservatism, assistance vs. self-reliance. A third way? How do we escape rhetoric as to arrive to a new approach?

Perspective.

"There are no facts, only interpretations."

-Friedrich Nietzsche

I definitely do not agree, but there is room for perspective.

I should say.

The words do not always flow in ways I would like; sometimes I am quiet. What I should say is that despite what has been written and spoken, I am looking to get past complication -- how do we get there? Wherever that leads is where it leads, but I am not trying to force a conclusion or have an expectation met. These little things: notes, lists, and messages, are meaningful to me, regardless of context.

I don't want to force you to say something you rather not, so listen as you do not have to respond, "I miss you." This time listen to the song and hear the lyrics I did not write.

It's true I think about this often and that is probably more obvious than I would like it to be.

Old thoughts, applicable today.

President Bush defends the use of wiretaps without warrants.

For my thoughts on this, I turn to the past . . .

"Those who desire to give up freedom in order to gain security, will not have, nor do they deserve, either one."

-Benjamin Franklin.

Men.

"The boy who is going to make a great man must not make up his mind merely to overcome a thousand obstacles, but to win in spite of a thousand repulses and defeats."

Again, Theodore Roosevelt.

What's next?

Silently mouthing lyrics. Mini-dances in the car, train, subway or walk. Music. Playing songs over and over again. These are mine.

A laugh. A look. Painted nails and pants that are too long? These are yours.

The ferry. The classic pre-theatre dinner. Messy apartments. Bad glasses. Remembering a scent or sparkles left behind. These are ours.

Cocktails and Dreams.

I am the last barman poet / I see America drinking the fabulous cocktails I make / Americans getting stinky on something I stir or shake / The sex on the beach / The schnapps made from peach / The velvet hammer / The alabama slammer. / I make things with juice and froth / The pink squirrel / The 3-toed sloth. / I make drinks so sweat and snazzy / The iced tea / The kamakazi / The orgasm / The death spasm / The Singapore sling / The dingaling. / America you've just been devoted to every flavor I got / But if you want to got loaded / Why don't you just order a shot? / Bar is open.

-Cocktail.

Somewhere in between Washington and New York City.

Rainy nights in New York sometime have a way of putting distant thoughts together. The lights? The buildings? The people? Maybe it is just walking along the streets and thinking about things. Thoughts you have been avoiding can suddenly become clear -- with keystrokes, phone call or conditioned sentiment, taking action avoided for too long.

No more excuses. No more delay.

Drawing inspiration from places where it is warranted, realizing where value exists and choosing to focus where it is deserved. Trusting your instincts and making the most of situations that others would avoid. Empathy and belief -- faith and looking and searching for intent and purpose.

Perhaps this is saying the "right things". Nonetheless, it is what I believe and this is most important.

As we look for the best in people, indeed selflessness and consideration exemplify this. I also believe in redemption; to this these thoughts are conceived.

To understand who we are, we reflect from where we have come, but focus on where we will go and thus who we will become.

Thanks to all those that think the same way . . . and to those opposed, don't be so cynical.

Your eyes.

As We Said Our Goodbyes,

I Can't Get Them Out Of My Mind,

And I Find I Can't Hide From,

Your Eyes.

The Ones That Took Me By Surprise,

The Night You Came Into My Life,

Where There's Moonlight,

I See Your Eyes

How'd I Let You Slip Away,

When I'm Longing So To Hold You,

Now I'd Die For One More Day,

'Cause There's Something I Should Have Told You

Yes There's Something I Should Have Told You

When I Looked Into Your Eyes,

Why Does Distance Make Us Wise?

You Were The Song All Along . . .

- Rent

Taking notice.

Quiet things we do not mention? Glances we pretend not to see? Unique things we convey or withhold?

Whichever way, it all matters. And even if you have no context or are otherwise unsure of what I mean, know that the summation is thought directed towards something that someone finds worth recalling -- here, there or in memory.

Opportunity and making it happen.

There is that moment before achievement where you feel “yes, I’ve got it”. Here struggle is removed; all the hard work, waiting and effort culminates and you succeed. Even if this moment is not yours, watching this somewhere else reminds you of your own moments. Congrats old friend on Drexel Law.

Future.

We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future.

-George Bernard Shaw

Wednesday morning.

A few days before the weekend, somewhere in between my walk through the common, the Chinese gentlemen I pass every morning (as I wonder with continued conjecture as to their conversation), my morning jog (which I have skipped this week because of the cold and lack of a running partner to help me keep my ritual) and a review of the previous night's thoughts, I walk into Starbucks, order my CM, sit down, glance over the New York Times and just watch everyone else participate in their own Wednesday morning schedules.

I like to call it "mice getting cheese". We are the mice, running around to get our food. The pattern, the cycle . . . not that I am criticizing, just questioning. Among other thoughts: am I right, am I wrong, am I crazy or otherwise misdirected? Don't answer that.

Unique? We all are. What we do with it – this is what matters.

I am going to skip Starbucks tomorrow morning.

Meeting adjourned.

Again, just because.

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."

-Theodore Roosevelt, Speech at the Sorbonne

Finishing touches.

This project has been over one year in the making and seeing it come to conclusion has certainly been a task. Taking the little blurbs, notes, postings and thoughts about characters or scenes, compiling research and turning fiction to reality and somewhere in between has not been easy at all -- much more difficult than I originally anticipated.

Our thoughts do not always follow familiar patterns. Writing is very much like this.

I have talked about this novel for so long and now that it is almost complete, I think about how much it has changed and begin thinking about how much I have changed with it. There is some vanity in writing; will the author in the mirror be the author we see?

One more thing: “The most important thing in any relationship is not what you get but what you give. “ – Eleanor Roosevelt. Our work, novels, friends, hearts – so be it.

Faith.

A life consistent with ideals, making the most of each moment and to live without regret.

The most powerful beliefs are those we have no evidence of.

Another day.

The heart may freeze or it can burn,

The pain will ease if I can learn,

There is no future, there is no past,

I live this moment as my last,

There's only us, there's only this,

Forget regret, or life is yours to miss,

No other road, no other way,

No day but today

-Rent

Keeping it interesting.

Good conversation. Laughs. Trying to inspire some people along the way.

To be a teacher.

Making it happen.

Avoiding a struggle with delay. Inaction breeds compliancy and managing this is imperative to looking towards more.

What more do we want? How serious are we?

Thanks.

For the music. The memories. The smiles and everything else.

Distracted.

This hardly prevents an expression of our thoughts, but it is easy to confuse an avoidance of usual patterns.

This does nothing to take away from where we plan to go and does not diminish our sentiments, especially those most valuable. Despite distraction, do not forget those things we should have faith in -- without seeing, obvi.

Time.

We write to capture moments so that in reflection we have something to
remind us. It is sometimes hard to present scenes, but imagination inspired
by quiet moments are enough to carry us closer.

You can say something is meaningful and see it. You can write something is
remarkable and believe it.

What is unique is holding to these things. The obvious things or more
obscure. Songs. Simple Messages. Dreams. Trips. Moments. Time.

Piano man.

Music. Songs that bring back memories or are gateways to new ones.

Cocktails and Conversation. Remembering those last words and reflecting on why they matter.

Stories, Walks and that last phone call. Consistency -- a very good thing.

Blogging.

Very informal. Our thoughts are often this way: fleeting feelings. Writing things down in a moment captures them -- there is some danger in response, but we can probably guide our way to what we mean.

Little things.

Leaving ice cream in the fridge to find it almost gone the next day. Magazines. Small notes. Quick emails. The smell of Comm. Ave in the spring. Breakfast at ABP. Mexican Food.

Those things that make us smile. Erase any discontent. The little inspirational things, which touch words and motivate. Why? Because we work for these things, we seek these things. Moments where we are the most happy – why does this have to be a climax? Is not happiness sustainable? Even when things are not going our way, we can fall back to these little things, memories or living them out. Pursuing them.

Phone calls.

Whether we make them or wait for them, the excitement of such banter can be memorable. However, can moments hinge on simple words? I doubt it.

I am getting older. Although I do not believe this provides me any tangible advantage, I do have perspective to make better decisions. I still believe in my boyhood ideals, only now I make them happen, instead of dreaming.

I loath disappointment, but it happens. People promise all the time. . .can they fulfill it? Sometimes. You know what I mean and it is not about us. You say something is valuable, let us say, “a friendship”. How do you show that? How do you mean it?

We do not stumble across extraordinary moments, we plan them or we live them from our hearts – we mean it.

Would you do the things you ask of me? An unplanned late call – from me this time, not you, for instance: would you make that walk or would you let me make it?

I am not a poet. Nevertheless, I know how to see.

October 14.

Encapsulate a birthday and time remaining in a movie? Film, music and a little journey. Elizabethtown.

A perfect situation.

Quick trips to favorite cities. No planning neccessary. Spending 24 hours in a place you know well -- the quick planning, the journey and then the evening. These nights are always bound to be fun, despite the elements, be them weather or people.

Conversations, glances and movie moments.

Affirmative Action.

On issues in politics, I tend to take opposing viewpoints. At times, this debate puts me in awkward situations, as I may argue points with which I do not agree. However, on some issues it is impossible for me to deviate from my true beliefs. Affirmative Action is among these subjects.

The passage of civil rights legislation in the early 60s did much to address over 300 years of discrimination faced by minorities in the United States. 40 years later, we still have a long way to go to ensure equal opportunity. Affirmative Action attempts to address the gaps of past discrimination by ensuring diversity.

The system has faults and abuses. However, we must look to continue and refine these processes to make up for our past mistakes.

Meinert & Meinert

Brothers.

Writing.

Sometimes you are in the mood. Other times you are not. However, when you feel so inclined, do not stop yourself. Do not be cautious; say anything, say everything.

The only thing I remember from freshman philosophy . . .

Aristotle argues that friends can be viewed as second selves. Just as virtuous behavior improves oneself, friends can improve each other--this is the importance of friendship, and the reason it may be regarded as a type of virtue. The success or failure of a friend can be like one’s own success or failure. Aristotle divides friendships into three types, based on the motive for forming them: friendships of utility, friendships of pleasure and friendships of the good.

Friendships of utility are relationships formed without regard to the other person at all. Buying merchandise, for example, may require meeting another person but usually needs only a very shallow relationship between the buyer and seller. In modern English, people in such a relationship would not even be called friends, but acquaintances (if they even remembered each other afterwards). The only reason these people are communicating is in order to buy or sell things, which is not a bad thing, but as soon as that motivation is gone, so does the relationship between the two people unless another motivation is found.

At the next level, friendships of pleasure are based on pure delight in the company of other people. People who drink together, or share a hobby may have such friendships. However, these friends may also part--in this case if they no longer enjoy the shared activity, or can no longer participate in it together.

Friendships of the good are ones where both friends enjoy each other's characters. As long as both friends keep similar characters, the relationship will endure since the motive behind it is care for the friend. This is the highest level of relationship, and in modern English might be called true friendship.

Wiki on Wikipedia

To be a . . .

"If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he imagined, he will meet with success unexpected in common hours."

Henry David Thoreau

Images.

. . . i can't answer these things for you, but i can tell you this. and i say this to you after a lot of reflection. i think too many things in your life are built on images and ideas of what you think they should be. not everything is like that; especially with people. see people for their hearts. you give, you will receive.

1,2 and 3 or rather, 3, 2 and 1, amended and edited for the web.

3. Be extraordinary. Whether it is someone you date, your friends or your family -- anyone that is real, pure and honest must see this. They will value you. They will cherish you. They will seek and find you, no matter what. This must be your consistent belief.

2. We always have to be open to opposing perspectives. Recognize when you are pulling yourself too much to one extreme. Know your potential and know that you have a long way to go to reach it. Never settle. Never be boring and achieve all those things, professionally or emotionally that bring you happiness. Have a big heart and a keen mind. You have so much more to learn and give, but you have to push yourself. Only you can do that.

1. Learn to have faith. Not just in words, but in your heart. Do not allow past disappointment to bring you down. This is faith. Faith in the most important thing: yourself. You have to believe with everything that makes you, you, that this is unique, beautiful and strong. That you could give with all your heart, to yourself, to anyone or to the world and not receive one thing back, not one affirmation (verbal or otherwise), yet you will get everything you need despite this. Because you have faith that you will receive what you seek, because you are indeed that valuable. That somehow it will all work because this is what makes you worth these words and many more.

Working on it.

16 days before she passed away, Margaret Craig McNamera received the Medal of Freedom for her work in improving childhood literacy.

Music.

I listen to songs repeatedly. I get ideas to pursue things and change my mind. I wake up at 4 in the morning and write email. I am hard on myself; I do not like making the same mistakes twice. I leave my iron on when I walk out of my apartment. I like ice cream for breakfast. Have early, mid-day or late night conversations. Enjoy waking up early, but still managing to sleep in. I like to write, sometimes directly, sometimes for a glimpse.

I like people who notice. That save text messages. Who understand. Who offer things when they are missing (a thought, a gift or even p.b. and jelly). Who show their interest. Who have big hearts. Who listen to music. People who do not talk about work so much. Speak other languages. Like to travel. Who contradict themselves. Who are there when you need them. Who do not let you down. Who can make you feel special. Who give as much as they receive. From whom you learn. Make you better. Make you feel strong. Who appreciate you for who you are -- the good and the bad and fight to include you. Who make mistakes, but recognize them and apologize. Who conjure cliche, but with so much more meaning.

Somewhere in between there is balance, we like to say. Between differences, searching for common ground. We learn that there is no perfect ending or fairy tale, that we work to make things happen. What do we cherish? For whom do we fight?

I have been in a mood this week. Looking at things in new ways, maybe more honestly.

I listen to songs repeatedly.

Washington, DC

In one moment, my faith is interrupted and my belief seems misguided. This realization is bitter and unfulfilling. I wish I could pretend not to know, but this is not the way it happened. With a conversation and concentration on its meaning, I realize that it may not have been worth it. That despite sensing these things before their full context was impressed upon me; I ignored dissent. Why am I always such an idealist?

This contradicts determination and my predisposition to do things in ways others would not. Therefore, I struggle with these thoughts, as I try to write them without clear expression, as to mask their real meaning.

Perhaps it is logical to try new things. Compassionate not to compare. To give new feelings a chance to develop. Anything less would not be fair. I may write it, even say that, but I do not believe it. How can we let go of things we know to be so special? How can we try to find something unique again, somewhere else, when we know what we have seen, held and cherished is charmed? How can we be so careless?

Washington has always been a place for many lessons for me. Our fates intertwined. So be it. There is no bitterness in truth. It just saddens me that moments cannot last forever, as I thought they could. Maybe I do not believe that, just feel that way today.

Beethoven's 9th

I have been recently listening to Beethoven’s 9th symphony. When studying and while working. What I enjoy the most is the range of emotion present in the music. The build up, the slow back and forth and the triumphant conclusion. I am by no means a musical scholar, so from my untrained ear, what I believe brilliant about it all is Beethoven succeeds in capturing many themes. The change of seasons and or the change in individuals.

The Ode to Joy. Reminiscent of everything we know that brings us to smile and meet satisfaction. A stranger’s smile. Conversations with parents. The energy of a child. The unselfish thought of a friend. I could go on and go into more detail, but happiness is so personal.

Heros.

It will be a tough act of his own to follow. Even in defeat, this run in New York was one of the most irresistible of his career, and when it ended, he made his way off the court and into the tunnel, where his 3-year-old son, Jaden Gil, was waiting for his customary postmatch hug.



"Daddy, who did you play with?" Jaden said.

It could have been a long answer, but Agassi chose to keep it simple. "Somebody with long hair," he said.



-- From the New York Times, September 12, 2005

This was a memorable US Open for me. Every year I make the pilgrimage to Flushing Meadow, but 2005 I will never forget.

Cheering on Andre in the 5th of his 3rd consecutive extended match. Watching a champion, the reason I started my life-long passion for this sport that has taught me about triumph and defeat. The next day, I rooted for Andre as I sat with my old high school tennis partner; we cheered him on in the Final, but in the end, his competition was too much.

But that is ok. Because the lesson here is not one about winning or losing. It's about personal grace. Family. Maturity.

Thanks for all the memories Andre. Here's to many more.

September 11th.

4 years ago I couldn't return home because all roadways back to New York were blocked off because of the attacks on September 11th. That night I slept on my office floor watching the non-stop coverage.

I remember feeling scared that night. Scared about what was next and wondering why this happened. I also remember feeling hope, hope that we would overcome this and somehow be better because all of it.

Heres to that night.

Ambition.

I had a drink yesterday with a former intern and enjoyed listening to him tell me about his plans after completion of his MBA. Part of the conversation was a struggle, because I could sense some apprehension on his part regarding the many things he wanted to achieve; he told me that when he discussed these things with people at his office, there was often doubt or resistance towards his plans.

It is very important we are careful about with whom we talk about our dreams. It is not out of spite or malice; it is just that not everyone is going to understand the things we want. When someone criticizes or places doubt in our plans, it is very easy to rethink things, to stop believing. So like our hearts, our dreams are things we need protect and expose to others that will support us, guide us and build hope.

Lloyd Dobler said it best, “I am looking for a dare to be great situation”. If you dream big: plan, strategize, be relentless. Take what you want. And even if you struggle, it takes twice as long as you planned or you sometimes feel like it will never happen, just be determined. And your moment will arrive.

Hurricane Katrina

My thoughts go out to every family that has been affected by this horrible tragedy. It is hard to think about much else these days, given the magnitude and long term impact this natural disaster has had and will have.

Because of the inadequacies of the post-Katrina disaster management, there is a natural tendency to assign blame. I think the key thing we should focus on right now is what we should have in place and why things are not yet where they need be. We must be able to prepare and act on situations of this magnitude and our minimum result should be excellence. Anything less is below the standard we should set and we can’t be afraid to admit this to ourselves. With Katrina, no matter who is at fault, we failed. We must do better.

I don’t know how we will get there, but it is clear we have a long way to go.

Labor Day Weekend 2005

The end of summer and beginning of the fall? Change of seasons, making the most of the rest of the year.

There are always many more words, as you can imagine. Hard to focus when pulling myself back from writing them. Why? Who knows.

To be an author.

Diem.

What will your verse be?

Words.

To communicate with intention understood all round. Where is this book?

We just look for the best.

FPNINB (first power nap in new bed).

Thoughts on making it look easy. No matter how difficult it is or how much we struggle, show the world a smile and a determination that is relentless.

Only those very close will know our real struggles and for everyone else, a wink and a smile. No need to worry over temporary circumstance.

Carpe Diem

Surprise.

Have your feelings ever caught you off-gaurd? I have a propensity for impulse, so sometimes I have to catch myself, reflect and make sure. And if that thought still remains, it can be, well, surprising.

Ahh . . . the old problem. What to purse and what not to pursue. Keep that thought long enough and it become clear; but new things are always like that. Worth it? You don't know unless you try.

Movies: The Right Stuff

But on that glorious day in May 1963, Gordo Cooper went higher, farther, and faster than any other American - 22 complete orbits around the world; he was the last American ever to go into space alone. And for a brief moment, Gordo Cooper became the greatest pilot anyone had ever seen.

Movies.

My father loves "movies". I would like to say he loves "film", but he would make fun of me for suggesting such a thing. He would say "film" sounds like a complicated art form; it is about the pop corn, soda and keeping it simple.

Although our tastes are different, my appreciation of movies is indebted to my dad. When my brother and I were kids, he always took us to the theatre and we rented a lot. Keep in mind, my dad was very disciplined in his approach; I could not watch a movie until I finished my math problems (no, not for school, but the extra assignments he would get from textbooks he purchased outside of my curriculum). We watched a broad range and although some of them were horrible, we always managed to get a laugh or smile.

Some people make fun of movies. And maybe I am biased, but what I love about movies are their moments: to inspire as happens in my favorite, teach us about love, triumph over adversity, the complications and mixed emotions of situations . . . to name a few.

Thanks Dad. This one is for you.

We don't have a coffee machine at work.

Well, we do, but my colleagues and I don't have conversations around them. What we do is go down to the cafeteria, grab some cranberry juice and have a good rant about the latest office intrigue.

For me, the best part of these moments is that no matter how frustrated I maybe about a particular situation, one of my colleagues can always find a perspective to bring it back to order.

Here is to co-workers. It is all about teamwork -- don't forget to listen.

Week 34.

Going backwards and trying to make sense of these random sentences will be interesting. Until then, these glimpses only reveal a debate.

Change?

Mid-morning.

Sometimes I get up and say, "Today I am going to do (insert something to get done here)". Then I jump back into bed, turn on the T.V. and throw in a DVD. Thank goodness for breakfast in bed.

Lyrics of the morning: Everclear -- I will buy you a new life

I hate those people who love to tell you

Money is the root of all that kills

They have never been poor

They have never had the joy of a welfare christmas

Here's a toast to all those who hear me all to well.

Friday, weekend and recharging.

Semi-new apartments & transitions.

"I have this friend" who moved into an apartment in February. It is a great place, but because of his work situation and that his previous apartment was furnished, he did not have any furniture to move in and was not in a position to spend the couple thousand dollars necessary to really make the place livable.

Around the beginning of the summer, things started picking back up in his life and for a period of time he went back to the way he dealt with issues as he did in his previous life. See, my friend did o.k. a few years back, but some bad moves resulted in him losing his job and some bad investments resulted in him having to start over. Transitions are not always easy and when things start looking good, it is easy to go back to old habits. As the summer picked up he called an interior designer and she made some recommendations.

After a few conversations with his friends, he realized this was probably not the best move. So he backed out of the decorating plan and made a summer out of crashing at his friend's places.

Transitions. In many ways I can relate to my friend, because I realize that making change is not always easy. Especially when you are weighing the pros and cons of doing something, spending money, moving, etc. But in the end, sometimes it is best to let go. Yes, many things have an element of calculation, but when you have the breathing room, make the jump. Life is short. It is easy to let fear (trying to avoid another mistake) cloud your perception. Learn from your mistakes, adapt.

My friend is finally furnishing his apartment next week. His place is now semi-new.

Organization.

8 hours to file, process and report information; the daily process of delivering ideas are really efforts in presentation. How to convey ideas. The key player being the organization of information and allowing this structure to be recognized by others. I prefer more words than less.

Song of the morning: Weezer: The Other Way

Messages.

Somethings are easier to say. Some harder. Whether they are easy to understand or not, hold on to what mattered.

Caught.

I don't admit it, but I enjoy tired expressions, cliches and other overused concepts. We all do, but the special value I find in them is that they often have a way of capturing our moments. Again, not profound because this is root to their definition.

Luck.

I believe we make our own luck. And when faced with situations of peril, drama or other controversy, we are drawn to our roots, our strengths. We are not saved by chaos, but by our faith.

And as today, I face circumstance, I continue my steadfast determination.

Carpe Diem, seize the day.

What's next?

Of course there is uncertainty. The difference is in how we handle events, where we take ourselves, the places we go, the choices make. Our stands, our triumphs, our defeats and our struggles.

I struggle with fear sometimes. I guess we all do. But my determination and inspiration is everything that is beautiful, remarkable and that I have come to value. Never give up.

Paperwork.

File, process and sort.

Any way you want it.

It is that simple. I am as much as an authority as anyone else on negative circumstance, but perseverance is a mindset; you accept it and you move forward. We can spend all this time analyzing why things went the wrong way and how horrible it was, or we can spend all this time focusing on what will come next.

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."

--T.R.

I would only add . . . all with a smile on your face.

It is up to you.

The Cure.

Pictures of you.

Projection.

Karma, positive thoughts, perseverance; if we look at things from the vantage point of achievement, then in the end, we will be successful. Failing this, we surround ourselves with a negativity which permeates our words, thoughts and actions.

Hidden Messages.

In a glance, I am reminded of why it is important to look at things from the best viewpoint, than the contrary. Although this tenet is not new, it reminds me of all the reasons I am so confident in my feelings and hope that this clarity can always find its way to your own perspectives. I always comment on why such thoughts can provoke sentiments of affection; understand why.

Kwaito.

I have been learning about Kwaito on NPR this week.

On fashion.

My mother told me when I was a child, "The way you look people treat you". In different phases of my life I have taken this to heart, sometimes trying to embody her thoughts, othertimes holding a disdain towards convention and style. Although there is room on both sides of the debate, I believe without going overboard, being congnizant of apperance and striving for basic presenation is a good thing. Casual Friday, however, has gone too far. . .(more text here).

Less intense.

Maybe this way we will notice things that would have otherwise gone unnoticed. Unlearning a lifetime of habits is not exactly easy, however I expect that these changes may allow the chance to appreciate what we have always managed to take for granted. Things may appear chaotic, but I am quite certain about how we are going to get there.

Vive le Lance.

Lance Armstrong has ended his career with a spectacular 7th consecutive Tour de France victory. There are so many things that are amazing about this feat, many things which will be more written more elegantly than i can write here, but for me, this victory is inspirational and one that will be hard to forget. Cancer, allegations, personal difficulties, pressure; Lance has overcome all of these things, year and year again, to captivate our imaginations.

Reactions.

Revealing. You can feel pressure to do something, catch yourself, but meanwhile the world is frozen in expectation. Sometimes you confront, sometimes you don't. It is not wrong or right, just your choice. But the reactions of those around you reveal.

Mid-Way

2nd half of the year has begun. The charge begins, again. Have alluded to it before, but now we are well on the path to making the progress that has been missing. No more time for past complication, past questioning and those that fail to see things we have tried to say. There just comes a point where you move forward and perhaps they will say something that implies they have heard you or they wont.

Destinations.

There is a good amount of time thinking about them and the key difference is the focus on trying. This means sending that email, saying that thought, making the overture. Don't forget the importance of small words or even a glance. Make it happen. Always extend yourself.

Redemption.

It would make sense that I have thoughts on this, maybe a little more than most. There comes a point where you finally forgive yourself and you let go of what could restrain you or cause you caution. It is not as though you forget, or ever will. You proceed and you focus.

If there is one thing I want to give, it is a notion that all is indeed possible. That secured by what we wish to leave behind, no matter how complicated or simple, even elegant, we can achieve those things. No matter what.

Our love guides us. Our selflessness rewards us. Our faith protects us. Our ideals inspire us.

Random.

How many govern our moments? It is not as though situations make us look at things in new ways, it is more an aspect of what we decide to focus on. How do we know when something is to inspire us, to sustain? And is even thinking about things in this way fair? Because what have we known to be this way? It seems so much easier to look at from the context of all those things we have heard about or learned about. But for ourselves. . . What is certain is that we must pursue our thoughts, no matter how confusing. Otherwise, it is boring and who wants that?.

Places left to go.

Not just those places I think about or visit.

Fatherly wisdom.

EM:"I think there is a problem with my car and I don't want to put the money into fixing it."
EMSR:"That is what happens when you buy expensive cars, they are expensive to fix."
EM:"Thanks dad."

Elegance and choices.

Sometimes you can overlook something or the way past events have altered course; this results in you mistaking the simplicity and elegance of what is in front of you.

Jack Daniels, Unplanned trips & Jack Keurouac.

Every man needs a vice or three.


"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!"

Mornings.

Sometimes they are slow, but those routines are what makes it, whether in real-time or in reflection.

Unexpected moments.

Sometimes you just aren't really there. You are having a conversation, you are listening, but you are just not there. You are waiting for something to happen or you are thinking about how to make something happen. You are contemplating how to make that next step occur. And then it does. There is a second to adjust, a second to reflect. But it has happened and you are surprised.

You think about it. Even when the moment is gone, you think about how to get back there. You start to wonder and dream. Is it all possible? Indeed limits do not apply?

Finding those meanings, is not always easy. What makes it so hard? Maybe it is english, our double meanings, our nuiance, our metaphors?

Lead time.

How much lead time do you need to complete projects? Sometimes, I just can't get engaged. I get distracted. I blame it on email, IM, cell phones and everything that distracts. But, when I get on a roll, there is no stopping me.

On religion

I think it is very difficult for people to digest Catholic beliefs. On many levels I can understand this and as for most things, I think this is rooted in a misunderstanding of what these teachings mean for Catholics.

There are many views of the Church that are difficult to digest, particularly in the context of a modern world. The question becomes for me, not so much who is right or wrong, but what is the nature of religion and its teachings? It almost becomes a very simple question: what is the point?

I have included in my blog some words on this, not my own, but of the Pope and from the Bible. For me, the nature of the answers is one focused on perspective. My perspectives are derived from faith. The Oxford English Dictionary defines faith as trust and confidence, to believe implicitly.

What is the point? To aspire towards ideals. To live our lives in a nature that exposes and emphasizes the best parts of who we are. To love unconditionally, to be compassionate, to forgive, no matter what. To improve and to challange ourselves.

Can we do this without faith? Can we do this without structured beliefs? Perhaps. But as I reflect on the secular world in which we live, I question this. It is not that I am transfixed on harshly examining the world; I believe there is a lot of beauty in a what we have and I cherish it. But I do not accept things as they are. I question our choices and I believe things could be much better if we focused more on our ideals. Do you?

Underdogs.

Did you catch the Kentucky Derby yesterday? I have to admit it, this is the first time in my entire life that I watched this event live. It does look like good fun and I enjoyed the shots of women in hats and sourthern gentlemen equally dressed (sans hats).

So this horse that won, what was his name? Who cares. A cheer for the underdog!

Change.

Doesn't mean that we have to be held back. Restrained by circumstance or triumph or disappointment. Adapt. Grow. Reach out.

We are confronted with these thoughts over and over again, but we fail to embrace change. Why? Why is it required that we take such a simple or obvious path?

It is not a good thing to allow ourselves to be governed by pettiness, but think about all the unspoken apologies. The regret. As much allowances as we must make for others, the realization and desire for change must come from that person. Think different?

Quotes.

SC: "Ed, do you like house music?" EM: "Does it look like I like house music?"

Love: 1 Corinthians 13

1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not selfseeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12 Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

HABEMVS PAPAM, BENEDICTVM XVI

"Religion is a theocracy, not a democracy". Author Unknown.

Truth.

"How many winds of doctrine we have known in recent decades, how many ideological currents, how many ways of thinking... The small boat of thought of many Christians has often been tossed about by these waves - thrown from one extreme to the other: from Marxism to liberalism, even to libertinism; from collectivism to radical individualism; from atheism to a vague religious mysticism; from agnosticism to syncretism, and so forth. Every day new sects are created and what Saint Paul says about human trickery comes true, with cunning which tries to draw those into error (Eph 4, 14). Having a clear faith, based on the Creed of the Church, is often labeled today as a fundamentalism. Whereas, relativism, which is letting oneself be tossed and 'swept along by every wind of teaching', looks like the only attitude (acceptable) to today's standards. We are moving towards a dictatorship of relativism which does not recognize anything as for certain and which has as its highest goal one's own ego and one's own desires."

"However, we have a different goal: the Son of God, true man. He is the measure of true humanism. Being an 'Adult' means having a faith which does not follow the waves of today's fashions or the latest novelties. A faith which is deeply rooted in friendship with Christ is adult and mature. It is this friendship which opens us up to all that is good and gives us the knowledge to judge true from false, and deceit from truth. We must become mature in this adult faith; we must guide the flock of Christ to this faith. And it is this faith - only faith - which creates unity and takes form in love. On this theme, Saint Paul offers us some beautiful words - in contrast to the continual ups and downs of those were are like infants, tossed about by the waves: (he says) make truth in love, as the basic formula of Christian existence. In Christ, truth and love coincide. To the extent that we draw near to Christ, in our own life, truth and love merge. Love without truth would be blind; truth without love would be like 'a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal' (1 Cor 13,1)."

Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger, Dean of The College of Cardinals.

Chance

Determinism has never been one of my things. I have always held the belief we controlled our destiny and to this point, it is our responsibility to proceed without caution. I know sometimes circumstance gets the better of us, we say no when we should say yes; we have all been there. I try to take more time as I get older to appreciate things I may have overlooked before. And its hardly because I think time is running away, it is more because I prefer to look forward to what is in front of me, actively, not in reflection. When I think about this, I think about the 'chance' of the friends I have and all the ways they support me, when best and when worse. Maybe it isn't chance after all, but more an opportunity. Thanks.

Spring.

The smell and warmth of the air. Rebirth.

Evolution.

There are some classics that you cannot avoid. Even as time goes on, they still hold special meaning in the context of something that was once valuable. What am I talking about? Well, I just don't want to say at this point, so you have to put it together.

Wrong Number.

over the last 2 days, i have received 4 phone calls from a gentleman looking for a 'josephine'. each time i have informed him that there was no 'josephine' at my number and that he had the wrong number. this leads me to believe that perhaps he met this 'josephine' out on the town, she gave him a number and either 1. he/she wrote it down incorrectly or 2. she gave him an incorrect number on purpose. should this be the latter, let this be a lesson. do not do this! it is cruel. poor guy, he sounded very nice to me.

Walks.

"am i drunk, or maybe i am dreaming, i ought to be screaming he suddenly - everything today is thoroughly - just like that, without any warning, at two in the morning, he suddenly - everything today is thoroughly - were there signs, and i didn't see them? a random remark, occasional sigh, that day in the park, the gleam in his eye. . ." mille, from song: jimmy, thoroughly modern millie. central park. boston common. hyde park. where is your favorite walk? what i love about the ipod is that it puts a soundtrack to our walks. a theme. our minds drift and we begin to think. maybe about the future. or the past. things we have done, things we did not do.

Determination.

Tiger Woods won his 4th Masters yesterday. It has been 3 years since he won a major and his victory is confirmation that at 29, we still have a lot left to see in this champion. What was incrediable about this victory was that despite having a poor start, Tiger roared back in the later rounds and was able to come into Sunday morning with a lead over determined play by play Chris Dimarco (coming into sunday, both players were below 10 strokes under par, ahead of the rest of the field by at least 4 strokes). Tiger slipped on the last 2 holes of the tournament, which allowed Dimarco to force a playoff. In the playoff, Tiger was perfect, nailing a difficult 20 foot put (it looked that far and looked very hard). I give a lot of respect to Dimarco's play, but Tiger was too much. Tiger is a determined champion and despite the critisism about him changing his swing after having the dominating 2001-2002 years (if it ain't broke, why fix it?) in winning back to back majors, despite the critisism about distractions, despite the critisism of losing the number 1 ranking, Tiger remained determined to his ability and his Master's victory is clear indication of his talent and potential; both as a player and a person. Tiger's father was unable to attend the last day of the tournament as he is not had a good year healthwise. Tiger dedicated this victory to his father. My thoughts are with his family and I hope that in a small way, Tiger's grace as winner, compassion as a son and determination as a champion, can serve to inspire us in our own ambitions.

Courage.

Was thinking about Dan Rather this morning. His prefered way of ending his pieces was by saying, "Courage". The context of this is unbound (the courage to fight for your country, the courage in saving others without regard for self, the courage to do something that someone else has not tried, the courage to bring a child into this world, the courage to stand for something you believe, the courage to overcome a defeat, .....fill in the blanks), indeed a reminder of boldness. Like may ideals, something to move towards. Dan Rather was really abused over the mistakes made over the false documents in relation to President Bush's time in the National Guard. On one hand, the mistake was major and Rather did deserve the responsibility as lead reporter. What bothers me is that seems to be his ending note legacy, with major newspapers and public discussion focused on this. What of redemption? What of the acomplishments in his career? Timing can sometimes swipe us the wrong way. Whther you think Rather was over-rated, a biased liberal, whatever your critisisms, he had something. Why? Because he took chances. He pushed the envelope. He extended the debate. He made us think and he gave us a glimpse of the world, from his eyes and he inspired - Courage. Courage indeed. Dan Rather is by no means gone, 60 minutes perhaps will be his redemption. I hope so.

Pope John Paul II, The Great

One of the greatest figures of the 20th Century, powerful role model and leader of the 21st, passed away today after a 26 year pontificate. The Holy See. Joannes Paulus PP. II, requiescat in pace.

Contradiction.

Emerson said it best: "Speak what you think now in hard words, and to-morrow speak what to-morrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing you said to-day." I have always liked this and it has a lot to do with my tendency at contradiction. It is ok, because what fun would it be if we didn't change our mind? However, there is something to be said of a steadfast mind . . .

Listening

I have a hard time with it, I think we all do. Wouldn't it be great if we could keep transcripts of all our conversations? Hold that thought! Let me refer to my notes!

Limits.

Why limit ourselves to the confines of expectations? Of the paths that others say we must follow to accomplish our objectives. Of what society, our friends, schools, colleagues say must be done to get there. We don't, but we allow ourselves to be confined by these limits. Don't do this. We can achieve our ambitions. We can overcome any obstacle. And even if we are defeated again and again, we strive because these limits are not really that. They are noise to distract us.

On Forgiveness

When thinking about recent history, there have been several moments over the last several years where leaders of national prominence have been humbled by apologies for mistakes. When thinking about these events and reflecting on last night's rebuke of the President of one of the leading academic institutions in the world, what saddens me is how apologies and forgiveness seems to be sentiments that the media and the public have a hard time accepting. People make mistakes, ranging from minor to major, but often the message we see expressed is one of dismissal by peers and by the media's desire to fuel moments of contention. I do not condone or excuse the mistakes of public figures that go too far with their statements or betray trust by personal indiscretions, but given situations where we are asked to forgive, I think this is best. Often, when we find someone in a moment where such apology is warrented and expected, we bring up everything that we don't like about that person and confuse the issue into being something bigger than it is. This snowball causes a confusion of the heart of this issue and the message becomes one bred on negativity. Without acceptance of intentions (the desire to move on, learn and grow), the situations where we ask and expect understanding; failing this, evryone loses.

Talk shows, revisted.

I have received some flack for my previous feedback on morning talk shows. Listen, I enjoy them, this is why I spend a little bit of time flipping through the channels to see what is on. But sometimes, you just hear something you don't agree with and you just want to write it down. My words may be terse to the subject, but the medium I still find worthwhile. But let's be honest -- nothing beats Morning Edition.

Talk show advice, the good, the bad and the in-between: Office Romance

These thoughts are not for those who have been successful in inter-office romances, it is for the rest of us that have tried and failed. Enter morning talk shows; was watching "Today" this morning. Psychologist Dr. Gail Saltz is suggesting "the rules" for dating in the workplace, my point is there are a million places and ways to meet people, why should the workplace by a place by which we suggest to meet others? Can't we have some limits and boundaries to the way we live? Dr. Saltz's breakdown was on the "do's" and "don'ts". I say that relationships in the workplace serve to breakdown the professionalism and the decorum that is necessary in business and are usually not a good idea for many obvious reasons. Now I hardly want to criticize and put down the many people that have found their loves in such settings, I guess what I am saying is that I wish the message being downloaded on this morning's national television would be that we should have some boundaries in our lives. If you want to date, meet someone outside the office. The complication of dating someone you work with doesn't need my description.

Social Cycles

How much do twenty/thirty - somethings spend (in time, money and energy) on going out with friends, getting a few drinks, dancing, getting a few more drinks, getting a quick bite when going home and somewhere between the ride home to the next morning, wondering why we just did all of that. Now, this is not one of those Sunday mornings for me, but I was thinking about it because I just got off the phone with one of my friends who downloaded this thought process to me. I have had the thought myself many times, yet I find myself occasionally slipping into this pattern. Now, the urban social dweller would argue that these things are a part of socialization and my rants to the contrary or dismissing these efforts as a waste of time are somehow representative of a developing conservatism. I would say not so, that perhaps we need be a little more creative in our social outlets and that too much emphasis is placed on the city "bar" scene as a focus of our means of meeting and interaction with new people, friends and the like. Now, to everyone out there that follows moderation, these thoughts are not applicable to you, for we all need our vices, but as someone that does not prescribe well to such a "balanced" approach, I say to all those that can hear what I am talking about and find themselves in a pattern, how about something new? Ideas? I will leave that to you.

Oscar Fallout, revisited

I have to admit it, I didn't want to like it. Yes, I was impressed with the reviews and the cast, but inside I wanted to dismiss this movie. Why? Because I had an image of a movie presented with manufactured sentiment, a movie made to be "profound" or "emotional". I was wrong. This movie has very careful and powerful acting, the simple score works well and the movie's messages regarding redemption, forgiveness, reconcilliation, triumph, adversity, loss and love are moving. I believe we learn the most by observing the difficulties others endure.

Even more Oscar Fallout

Watching Million Dollar Baby. . .will report back in a few.

More Oscar Fallout

Adjusting to my disappointment regarding The Aviator and Martin Scorsese's lack of high Oscar honors. However, saw Hilary Swank on 60 minutes last night and was very impressed.

Oscar Fallout

I have not seen Million Dollar Baby yet, but I am upset that The Aviator did not take the top prize.

If I were in charge of. . .

Cable, I would only charge for the stations that people watch. Now, I appreciate that this would put me out of business quick, because do the cable operators really make any money and if we had a la carte selection, would not most people only pick up a few stations? Well, at least all the money we pay contributes to C-Span

Starbuck Nation

Has anyone else noticed that the Starbucks on Charles Street only has 'Starbuck' written on the Beacon Street Side? Why don't they fix this? Surely after charging me 3 dollars for my coffee they have the cash to take care of this.