In one moment, my faith is interrupted and my belief seems misguided. This realization is bitter and unfulfilling. I wish I could pretend not to know, but this is not the way it happened. With a conversation and concentration on its meaning, I realize that it may not have been worth it. That despite sensing these things before their full context was impressed upon me; I ignored dissent. Why am I always such an idealist?
This contradicts determination and my predisposition to do things in ways others would not. Therefore, I struggle with these thoughts, as I try to write them without clear expression, as to mask their real meaning.
Perhaps it is logical to try new things. Compassionate not to compare. To give new feelings a chance to develop. Anything less would not be fair. I may write it, even say that, but I do not believe it. How can we let go of things we know to be so special? How can we try to find something unique again, somewhere else, when we know what we have seen, held and cherished is charmed? How can we be so careless?
Washington has always been a place for many lessons for me. Our fates intertwined. So be it. There is no bitterness in truth. It just saddens me that moments cannot last forever, as I thought they could. Maybe I do not believe that, just feel that way today.
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